Blackfoot Fell on Her Head

Or at least that is the assumption that I have to go by based on the continuing and blatant lies that have become all too common on her blog. The logical conclusion that I reached is that at some point during the course of our two days of caving, or our three days of trekking or even sometime at the airport or while SCUBA diving, poor Jane must have fallen on her skull and anything resembling a factual account of our trip to New Zealand might have tumbled out of that hole in her eardrum.

Here is the Jane Conrad "Fair and Balanced" account of our conversation preceding our kayaking adventure:

"...Neither of us had ever kayaked before (although Rich lied to me and said he did - which is why I made the reservation!)..." (source: www.xanga.com/Mr_mephisto Captain and Raccoon Kayak Through Abel Tasman April 24, 2006)

Let me take a moment to explain how the conversation really went:

Jane: Would you be interested in kayaking?
Rich: Sure, that seems great.
Jane: Should we get a guide?
Rich: I don't know, do we need one?
Jane: Well, you kayaked before, right?
Rich: No.
Jane: (laughs) Yea, OK.
Rich: (kinda boggled as to why that is funny) Do you think we do a lot of kayaking in Brooklyn?
Jane: Whatever, you can just teach me what to do.

(Later at the Kayak place)

Steve: So, either of you guys ever kayak before?
Rich: Nope.
Jane: Wait, I thought you said that you HAD?!?
Rich: No, you're confused. You said that I had, I said that I hadn't.
Jane: I thought you were kidding?!?

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I will really NEVER understand ANYTHING that has a second x chromosome.

Now, I will be fair, aside from that initial "No, I don't know how to do it" I did not continuously protest Jane who was so adamantly doubtful of my inability. I am known for oftentimes going into something that I had never done before (which may or may not be potentially fatal to the inexperienced) with a "how hard could it be?" or "what's the worst that could happen?" (famous last words, as Nash would say.) Still, I am always upfront about my inexperience, though perhaps overconfident in my abilities or safety at times.

So, Blackfoot is a libelous scoundrel. That being said, it is a good thing that we were guided.


Ok, so here is where we were. You'll recall that we finally reached Abel Tasman on day 5 of the trip. Somehow despite being delayed for one day in Narita, and taking two days to bus, ferry, and hitch hike from the North to the South Island we were still perfectly on schedule and ready to start the three day trek through Abel Tasman.

Abel Tasman is a beautiful...BEAUTIFUL (read: most beautiful place I have ever been to, ever) coastal park. I won't get too involved in describing it here, however, as there are plenty of pictures and stories to come. Anyway, the coastal path we were planning on taking was about 17 kilometers long. We would complete the first 5 kilometers (from Marahau to Anchorage) on day one, an we would travel via kayak.

So, with cereal bars in our stomachs and a half hour crash course on sea kayaking, we headed out to the bay with our guide, Steve.

Now, a brief word about Sea Kayaking. This is not kayaking in a bay or a lake or someplace where you maintain the option to stop rowing for a bit and relax. When you are Sea Kayaking, you have a lot more to worry about such as cutting through waves that go over the top of the kayak, getting swept out further than you would hope to be, and when you are fortunate enough to paddle around shallow water, there is always the hazard of jagged rocks that make life more interesting.

Of course, this is not necessarily to say it is an extremely dangerous sport either. Under the right conditions, the occasional "stop for a second to bob around" is permitted. Under the right conditions, once you get through an initial set of waves, a rhythmic paddle with light to medium cadence is sufficient to keep you in control.

We, however, were kayaking in conditions that could be best euphamized as "less than ideal," or more realistically stated as "insane." Unbeknownst to our guide, there was a swell and water was a rough. During the day of kayaking, for 5 kilometers, we had to row at full force, maintaining enough speed to control the boat. Also, to avoid being swept back to the jagged rocks lining the shore and the base of the cliffs of Abel Tasman, we had to do much of the rowing out to sea.

We stopped twice, one to prepare, and one to recover. For and from what? The Mad Mile. The Mad mile is a bluff named as such because for approximately one mile there is no place wheresoever to stop. The specific course between Marahau and Anchoage is spotted with tiny beaches that are completely inaccessible except for by boat. During kayaking, if one were to get overwhelmingly tired, there is always at least the option to make it to one of these beaches to rest for a few moments. We were not granted this luxury as with the conditions that day, stopping to rest would almost be counter productive. The amount of energy that would have to be exerted in order to brake through the wake line again and make it back out after stopping on a beach would have negated the entire rest period.

Before the Mad Mile, however, we stopped to rest for a bit. Steve gave us a small snack and some juice to re-energize. After some time, we were ready to take on the Mad Mile.

The moniker Mad Mile certainly was apt, I tell you... APT! In order to make it around the bluff, we had to paddle out far then cut across it. The plan was to stop for lunch at a beach right after the Mad Mile. You would think that while heading back to shore we could just coast and let the waves bring us in. Yes, logic would support such a theory, however somehow that was strangely not the case and we had to continue the heavy rowing back to shore. It seemed ridiculous, kinda like having to walk up hill to come back down the mountain. Once we made it back though, we flopped down on the tiny secluded beach and ate the yummy sandwiches that Steve had brought along. From there to Anchorage would only be another short stretch, but we needed the break. It also didn't hurt that the beach was amazing and it was a beautiful day.

Once we made it back to Anchorage, we were met by a boat who transported our hiking hear to us. Before the sun set, our tent was pitched and Jane was passed out. I watched the sunset on the beach and took some photos. Jane woke up and we made dinner before settling into the tent.

Ok, take some time to appreciate how beautiful Anchorage was.















Next time: the trek to Bark Bay.

Rex out