The Uneasy Alliance Continues

Sorry for the lask of posts. I got back from New Zealand to find that my computer was sick and needed to be sent to the computer doctor. Apparently the old addage "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is not applicable if you yourself are an Apple.

And for all of you PC naysayers who want to take this opportunity to give me shit about saying how great macs are, save it. In 6 years this is the FIRST problem i have ever had, and it's a hardware problem at that. On top of it, Apple picked up my computer... in JAPAN, whisked it away to fix it, and returned it FIXED within TWO days. I am curious how many PC manufacturers would do the same.

Did I mention that they picked up my computer... from my doorstep... in JAPAN?!?

Anyhow, internet at work has been down as well, AND my phone was disconnected (since New Zealand completely depleated my finds, I have been broke like a joke, until tomorrow, PAYDAY!!!!)

Needless to say, I have been completely cut off from all communication with anyone who lives outside my cell phone's service area. To the untrained eye, it may seem like this is just another lame excuse for why I don't update my blog often enough, but thats why God invented eyeglasses.

Anywhom, onward with tales from New Zealand. After the first day and our initial absailing adventure we were beat. Whoever said that absailing (same thing as rappelling, except rappelling is the French word and absail is the German word) was easy is 1) a dirty lying sinner, and 2) would DEFINATELY not be able to cut it on what we did the following day: the Lost World.

Lake, if you are reading this, you would best understand how I am about to rate this thing... this was something on par with riding around the desert on an ATV and drinking tea with bedouins. We hiked to a secluded area where the cave entrance was. On the way, we had a few opportunities to look down into the area surrouding the cave entrance through holes called the "window" and the "chimney". This was the lost world. The view looking down in was amazing, you basicly see another wooded area with trees and a river flowing, but 100 meters underground, like something out of a science fiction novel about an underground civilization.



We eventually reached the absail site, a nice bar holding a rope which we would clip on for our 100 meter descent. Now, I love a god adventure, and God knows I'm not really afraid of dying, but there is something humbling about the experience of lowering yourself 100 meters with no more than a quick instructions on technique to go by. Of course, we did it and once we reached the bottom, we relaxed by the river of this beautiful underground world and had some lunch.




(Jane and I dangling 100 meters, about to begin the absail)






Now here is where I really didn't think things through. They packed more than enough lunch for everyone, but most of the people had what they could eat leaving many leftovers, which of course we didn't want to lug through the caves. Everything needed to be eaten, and of course human trash compactor that I am I took care of the rest. After about 4 sandwiches, a quart of milk, and a box of cookies, I started a 7 hour hike/swim/climb, all the while combating some icky tummy.


(maybe if I ate less, it would have not been so hard to squeeze through there.)


The only diwnside to how extreme this thing was is that I couldn't take any pictures. At first I scoffed at their rule saying that I cannot bring in a camera, however in truth at NO POINT in the 7 hours was there more than a moment or two when I had two hands free enough to snap a photo. Moreover there was no place to safely tuck dangle or attach a camera without it being thwacked against rocks and such. This was not a walk in the park by any means... no seriously, we were in a cave (aren't you paying attention?)

Fortunately though, one of the guides was slightly more experienced than Jane and I were and had a camea onhand for the occasional shot.

Ok, so we entered the cave and right away got soaked... so it would be THIS kind of a cave, eh? After wading through a river for a while, we had to walk around behind a waterfall to the otherside. Sounds easy? Well, had this been one of those new fancy caves with halogen lighting, central air and a starbucks inside it may have been, but this was just an old fashioned cave so it was dark as a mofo save the tiny lamp on our helmets. Needless to say navagating in the dark through an extremely narrow passageway with cold water cascading on your head and shoulders is not a simple task. At the end of the watefall, you find ourself completely disoriented.

One of the guides later explained that we could have made it to point B without creeping through the waterfall, but 1) that would be no fun at all and 2) that ordeal is in fact the final test before a point of no return. You see once you really get into the caves, there is no quick exit and no way out but to keep going. There are also several places where some people may not be able to squeeze through, or (if not strong or surefooted enough) could get severely injured (even die, but we'll get to that) The waterfall represents the final point where if someone is not physically or mentally fit enough to endure can turn around.

Our group was hardcore as all hell though and we all made it through. Waded for a bit further and climed up to a higher level until we reached our next task... the Jaws of Death. This was a small (and wonderfully jagged) hole in a big rock that was just large enough for a person to tuck and slip through before plummeting (about 7 meters or so) back down into the river. We all made it and went on to the next obsticle, the Witches couldron.

This was another waterfall, but much more powerful thn the first. It formed a cauldron at the base. For those of you who forget Earth Science, a Cauldron is basically a deep bowl formation at the base of a waterfall. The pressure from the waterfall creates a condition where the water spins around the formation stirring it up like a witches cauldron. Were one to be trapped in the cauldron, you would be sucked underwater and into the mix. With that degree of peril clearly explained to us, the guides explained that the next task would be to spiderwalk up the rock infront of a waterfall directly above the cauldron. One slip, and you got problems.

We all made it up there too (we had no other choice). As we continued into the cave, we passed a small hole in the roof where some sunlight came through. This hole was called "cow-hole." Why? Well, apparently on the otherside of the hole is a nice grassy mountain where coes tend to graze, and occasionally these cows will fall into the hole plummeting to their death, and giving the eels a nice steak dinner. Stupid creatures... We kept going past "cow hole" until we reached the next challenge, this being the one and only optional challenge: a cliff dive. We had to climb another waterfall, only this time, we were not climbing in front of or behind the rushing water, but head on. As with most things, there was simply no other way. We did this one at a time. After climbing, up the waterfall, I stood on a cliff over black water. Thats the fun part about swimming around in a cave, with the total lack of light all water seems to be black and abysmal. There are also submerged jagged rocks providing adequate opportunity to crack your skull open. The task was to jump off the cliff and into thefreezing black water with only the a vague point in the right direction (i.e. the guide saying "try to aim there"). Here is where props MUST be given to Blackfoot. Obviously I did it. I don't need to tell anyone that I did it, everyone recognizes I am not afraid of jumping off of things, but Jane was the ONLY woman in the group to jump off the cliff, and whats more, she joined the rest of us in pulling off a front flip. Well done Jane... clap clap.

Next was the walk through the Eels Bedroom. This is named as such because the caves are filled with eels, which are for the most part harmless. This one particular stretch, however, was a huge vault where the eels slept. We were about thigh deep in water and had to walk the far stretch using only the cave wall to guide us. It was COMPLETELY pitch black as we had to keep our lights off so as to not wake (or more importantly piss off) the eels. I think i still have scabs on my hands from that cave wall!

After all of our little missions, we were due for a short break. The caves in Waitomo are best known as the "glow worm caves" because they are filled with glow worms. Not the little glow worms that we had as kids, but the Arachnocampa Luminosa larvae. These larvae are unique to New Zealand and live pretty crappy lives. For the majority of their life, they are in the larval stage hanging off things (in humid places) glowing in order to attract prey. Their genus is Arachnocampa because of their spider-like way of using nets to trap prey. They do this until they mature and become insects which look like mosquitos. The problem, however, is that unlie mosquitoes, these buggers (get it?) have no mouths so they can't eat. They starve to death and die within a few days. So they are born, attract pray using shinyness while they mature, and then they die. Basically the bugs's entire life is puberty.

(glow worms)

So, we all climbed on some flat rocks, turned off our lamps and lied down while looking up at the glow worms. Pretty impressive, ne?

We walked out of the cave and back into daylight and a 2 kilometer hike back to HQ where a steak dinner awaited us. We toasted, shared a few laughs, returned to the hostle and slept like babies that night. As Jane pointed out, this is how fuc#*d up our jobs are... this is what we have to resort to in order to unwind!

By the way... this was only day two.